Absurdism Letter #1

Sometimes, I like to let my inner drugged up crazy person take over, and write absurd words of wisdom.

I like to pretend that these statements have been composed by a wealthy and well-mannered man from the late 1800s. With a mustache. Please enjoy Absurdism Letter #1.

"In my current state of decay, I am driven to inquire as to whether or not you would be interested in attending the matrimonial ceremony of a manatee and 7 wise men. All guests are required to wear the chicken of doom on their heads, as well as insert cinnamon rolls into your nostrils. It is a ritual of peace, harmony, and blowjobs. Before you reply, I want you to consider one thing: Which skyscraper can be completely filled with nuclear jello, and yet remain invisible? If you could answer this one question, the manatee will transform into a jive-turkey, and well, we know where this story is going..."

Cemetery Detective.

So remember that game I play where I like to form sentences that no one has probably ever said before?

Well, I like to think of actions that way as well. For example. I wonder how many people have been walking in a cemetery at night while dressed as Sherlock Holmes...

I guess it's really not that far-fetched. I'll have to step up my game next time.

The Why Cycle.

One of the darling little boys I babysit for once a week is at some stage of the "why?" phase. That could not be more perfect timing for me, having a blog (this one, to be precise) focusing mainly on questions such as who, what, where, when, how, and WHY!

He really gets me thinking about things. A lot of times when he asks "why", I don't quite have an answer! That little bugger is going to grow up to be a philosopher.

For example, today, he asked my why it was raining. I had to think a little bit while I recalled the water cycle. I told him it was because the clouds were too full of water. He asked why. I said it was because water from the land evaporated and went into the clouds. He asked why ("But why Awex, WHY?" to use his exact words). I said it was because the water gets too hot from the sun, and...uh...rises...because...

How DOES water evaporate?! Molecules can float around and ignore gravity and do crazy things. They can float right up into the sky and.....

Then I started to think, what am I doing? He isn't asking HOW. He's asking WHY. I hoped he wouldn't press the issue, because then we'd have to get into the question of God and the meaning of life.

That is some deep stuff for a toddler.

Alternate Universes Exist.

What is Déjà vu?

I mean, I know what it is. The phenomenon where you feel as if you've experienced a particular moment in time before.

I've taken many showers in my life (not as many as I should, perhaps...I blame morning classes), but never when I push aside the curtain do I proclaim, "My GOD! I've DONE THIS BEFORE! What's happening to me?!"

Déjà vu is so specific, the details of the scene you are experiencing so minute, and the events seemingly insignificant.

What's really bizarre, is that I actually experienced Déjà vu while writing this entry. And no, I'm not trying to be funny or cute. I actually did. I thought that perhaps I had written on this topic before, typing the exact same words...

What's going on here?!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am perplexed. 
So, my conclusion: Déjà vu is none other than proof that alternate universes exist. Good day. 

The Lives of Toys.

Do you ever wonder what your toys do while you're away or while you're sleeping? Okay. You probably don't. Most of you probably don't have the multitude of toys that I do, anyway.
Don't look at me like that! I can't let go of childhood, okay?!?

Anyway, I like to think they come alive. Actually, that idea frightens me half to death. But still.

Is there a "leader" toy, like Woody in Toy Story, that sort of acts as the president? I suppose my leader toy would be my stuffed dog, Fred. He's my favorite.
My villain toy would probably be my antique doll, Isabella, who is not unlike the most terrifying thing you've ever seen. I don't know why I keep her in my room.

But what exactly would the toys do? What could toys possibly do for fun? They don't have toys of their own, do they? Alas, the life of a toy must be a depressing one. Their sole purpose is only to please their owner. If that's not bad enough, they have to pretend to be lifeless in his or her presence.

Sounds a lot like a dictatorship. Yikes.

Word Play.

Isn't it weird how if you look at, say outloud, or write a word enough times, it starts to become very foreign? Like, think of the word "play". Play. Play. Playplayplayplayplay. What kind of a word is that, anyway??? It sounds so weird. Puhhh-laaaay.

How does one come up with a word? Do you just sit down and say:
"Okay. So there's no word for what happens when you make a moving picture of some sort begin. Oh, and also, there's no word for what children do to have fun. The word for both of those things is gonna be...plllllay. Yeah, play."

Genius!

Color Census.

How many colors are there?

"Millions" isn't a good enough answer! I want a specific number. Like, 513,897,111.6.

And I want a list. I want a list of all the colors with examples.

That way, I can make new ones. And name them after me.

Alexandra's Egg Blue!

...Eh, maybe not. That's a little weird. We'll stick with Robin's Egg.