I like to pretend that these statements have been composed by a wealthy and well-mannered man from the late 1800s. With a mustache. Please enjoy Absurdism Letter #1.
"In my current state of decay, I am driven to inquire as to whether or not you would be interested in attending the matrimonial ceremony of a manatee and 7 wise men. All guests are required to wear the chicken of doom on their heads, as well as insert cinnamon rolls into your nostrils. It is a ritual of peace, harmony, and blowjobs. Before you reply, I want you to consider one thing: Which skyscraper can be completely filled with nuclear jello, and yet remain invisible? If you could answer this one question, the manatee will transform into a jive-turkey, and well, we know where this story is going..."
